Now that I have retired and accept that my input with several organizations is no longer going to be sought, I have entered a different phase of my existence. I have long been aware that much of my day was spent doing someone else’s bidding, much as it was most of my life. This is not a coy attempt to get sympathy or attention, it is merely a statement of fact that I wish to recognize for myself. I am now at liberty to devote my days to the activities that motivate me in my pursuit of being the communicator I believe I was meant to be.
I want to write in my blogs in the amount to which I have committed: once a week. I have 5 blogs so I have two days off. On those two days my ambition is to devote myself still to writing but to a different kind of writing: my stories, my remembrances of my parents and growing up, and scripts for future entertainment. In the meantime, although I no longer have small children who I am responsible for “overseeing” or “raising”, I do have a large home that I enjoy keeping in a decently clean and orderly manner. Naturally, I am not inclined to hire anyone to help me with household chores because that in and of itself brings a new set of problems.
I have been vaccinated and feel fine. However, I do recognize that since I retired from all these obligations, I have a sense of brain fog. I don’t think it is related to the vaccines, in fact I am convinced it isn’t. I think it is the fact that for such a long time, I spent my days checking my agenda for things to tick off and now I have empty spaces where activities used to appear. It is disconcerting but as I have said before, I have no doubt this is a passing phase that will resolve quickly.
My writers’ group met this morning via Zoom. We have managed to maintain our rhythm despite Covid-19 and all of us continue to find strength and support in belonging to the group. I am happy that we are doing this even though my personal attempts in the last almost two years have not amounted to much published material. I don’t really count the blogs as being published even though for most people they would constitute an impressive amount of wordage on pages. I look around my office and see that I have made little progress in the daily task that I had originally set for myself of decluttering a tiny spot of desk every day. In fact, I seem to have even more files open and books laid out than I had last week. What is wrong with me I ask? Then I remember to be gentle, and to begin to treat myself with more empathy. It will get done, the children will arrive early next week and I do want them to see their former “school” tidier than they remember it. Let’s hope it is so. At least the floors are clean and I have not seen the need to put books there!
Exploring writing by writing 